How to Be a Cannabis Advocate: Ep. 4 with Blunt Blowin' Mama
Listen in as Advocate + Educator Shonitria Shares How She Serves CannaMoms While Holding Healthy Boundaries
Tammy: We’re back for another episode in our series on How to Be a Cannabis Advocate.
With me today, I have the lovely Shonitria, but you might know her as Blunt Blowin’ Mama ™️. Welcome!
Shonitria: Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. This is dope.
Tammy: Thank you. I'm all about helping people get into this industry and advocacy has to be part of what you do. That is one of my core beliefs.
We have a diverse group of advocates that are out there and yours was one of the first. You were the first cannabis influencer that I ever saw.
Shonitria: I wasn't an influencer, per se.
Tammy: I mean, you had a platform and you were starting something that did not exist. For you, that was what I saw.
I was a cannabis educator unofficially. So anytime women came to me about cannabis use, I always sent—still send—them to you. That is your bread and butter.
I know enough to be dangerous, but you are actually knee deep in it. Passionate, driven. I love to see it.
Shonitria: Thank you. It feels so weird when people say that because I'm just like, "Damn." For me, it's speaking the truth. It's living how I have been living authentically for—-how many years now?
It's super important to just be yourself. And when you are yourself, that's when you find out that there are so many people out there just like you. That's the shit that blows my mind. You're never alone, right?
But so often we feel like I'm the only person who's going through postpartum depression. I'm the only person who's struggling with fertility. I'm the only person who has endometriosis or has debilitating periods and I need cannabis to do this—and no, you're not. I'm the only mom who was smoking weed while nursing this baby. No, you’re not!
Tammy: So advocacy, it's not always beautiful. It's fun, and there's parts that are so beautiful, and you see the joy. But there's a lot that you deal with as an advocate. How do you deal with the downsides of the advocacy work?
Shonitria: Funny enough, I don't deal with trolls or anything like that. I feel like my audience—I call them the BBM fam—they're super protective of Blunt Blowing Mama and of me to the point where I sell this shirt that says, “Moms Who Smoke Weed Are Not Bad Moms.” It's been getting knocked off for the past two years.
That's the downside of success. It's being so visible and having a message that's so catchy and so tangible and so moving and polarizing that people knock it off.
And I have my audience coming to me like, "I told them to take this down." And this is why I'm Blunt Blowin’ Mama and they'll flag it to me. People used to steal my memes. That's the kind of shit I used to deal with a lot.
If you're gonna steal my content that I'm creating, credit me, that's all I ask. Just ask me. Say, "Hey, I want to collaborate." It's totally fine.
But when you steal from me, that's just so corny. That's so unoriginal. Come up with your own fucking ideas or give credit because somebody else worked on this.
It's okay to give people their flowers and to share their things. That, for me, is super flattering. But when you take it, that's when my audience jumps on people.
Tammy: Can I say the petty side? When I go to somebody's profile, and I see that they've taken original memes from my page and just cut my watermark off, I block them.
I don't mind if you posted, but at least give me the tag and like, don't cut off the watermark.
Shonitria: It's insane. So I think that the downside for me is just people knocking my shit off. But my audience is so down for me. Super protective. I don't get a lot of trolls on my page. Like every now and then it'll happen, but not too often.
I would say the downside, honestly, it's just people who they're kind of weird in that they share a lot of themselves with me. And I think that's just part of my personality and that I am a super inviting person. I'm so vulnerable, so people feel okay reciprocating, which I love.
But for a really long time that was impacting me because I'm reading these gut wrenching, real life stories of things women are going through. Like: "I can't talk to anyone about this, you know, my doctors threatened me like this, because I'm consuming cannabis during pregnancy, I'm scared."
Like, I've gotten so many stories. I would just be in my bathroom like, "Oh, my god, like, I can't." This is above me. I can give you baseline advice, but I can't pull you out of the situation.
And so for me, that was really heavy. And I'm still navigating that and trying to set up the boundary so that I don't get inundated with those kinds of messages.
But at the same time, I don't want to be like, "Oh, these people need to stop being you know..." It's not like that. It's just protecting my own peace and energy from taking in so much stimulus that it makes me sad, or it makes me feel angry, and that's okay.
But too much of that can be a lot on my nervous system. And I'm still a mom. It's a whole life outside of Blunt Blowin’ Mama.
And I feel for them. It makes me go harder at the end of the day because there are so many women going through it—going through hell with no support. They're all alone.
But I want those women to know they're not alone. And for me to carry a lot of that is heavy. But it just meant I needed to get stronger and set some really firm ass boundaries.
Tammy: Part of the journey. So that is something that would be difficult. People just kind of dumping emotional trauma on you a lot without asking consent.
Shonitria: Never consensual. Definitely. Like the flight attendant. You're talking, you're telling your flight attendant everything or like the stranger at a bar. You're telling your bartender everything. But it's like, I didn't ask you to tell me.
Tammy: When you open these messages, don't you feel guilty when you don't respond?
So I got notoriously terrible at reading DMs because I just never knew what I was gonna get. And sometimes you're going through things and you just don't have any space, nor the skills, nor the training or education to even begin with.
Shonitria: And wouldn't pretend to have it because that's the worst when people pretend to have the answers instead of just saying, “I don't know.”
It's so powerful to just admit what you just don't know. There's somebody else out there who does, then refer. The power of referral is amazing.
Tammy: But because you are so trusted and loved, I can see why someone would feel that they could confide in you. Because if anybody's going to understand, it's you.
But again, consent is a big thing. So setting boundaries as an advocate is so important. And I've learned that in my journey too.
I had another fellow advocate say to me, "It is not your job to speak to people. You're not being paid for that. You don't owe anybody anything.” And that lets me release so much guilt.
I wish I could just DM everyone back, but I get anxiety when I go in there sometimes. And then I just have to pull out.
So yeah, learning how to set those healthy boundaries with your supporters and fellow community members is necessary.
Shonitria: I also set automated responses for certain topics. I decided I'm not going to 'not reply.' If it falls within a certain category, I will have an automated reply for you, and so I just type in those keywords.
If I did anything else, I probably wouldn't have felt the need to do that, but I didn't want to abandon these women because I might not be able to get back to you until a year later and you probably would’ve already had your baby.
So you want this help right now, I understand. Here's an automated response taking you to my workshops, taking you to a podcast episode you can listen to, because chances are I have talked about this before at least once.
Tammy: Wow. What a great idea. I want to make an automated message for people for what strain is good for this? I definitely need to do one of those.
Shonitria: Yes. Frequently asked questions. For somebody like me, you know what I get asked: breastfeeding, pregnancy, talking to kids. And so I have automated replies.
Now what I need to work on are automated replies for brands, but that's not really a priority for me.
Tammy: Yeah, even email is anxiety. But you know, I also now have a system for that because you're going to have outreach.
If you send me an email and you're offering money without talking about your product, I'm going to delete it. If you don't get my name correct. I'm going to delete it. If you just say, "Hey, can we talk about promoting my brand?" Deleted.
You have to at least capture my attention. Because there's so much of that. I need to be clear, too, with what I need from other people. So clarity on what you're doing, I think, is another great tip.
Shonitria: Stay in your lane. Be clear on why you're in that lane. And like, just refine it and bring as many people along that want to go in that lane with you. You know, that's what it's about for me.
Tammy: Yeah. I love that. You're so smart. Automating messages. All right.
Shonitria: Girl, I'm busy. I always got to figure out ways to save time.
Tammy: Okay. Well, as your platform has caught traction and supporters, are there women who now want to do what you do? And if so, what have advice have you given them? Or what would you tell them?
Shonitria: So many women do. And there's so many women who have messaged me saying, “I started this page because of you.” And it's just like, really?
I'm so glad you're doing it. Because when I came in, there weren't that many black moms—millennial moms at least. And now there's so many. I think it's great.
And I will tell them: just do it. Just tell your story. Because we all have unique perspectives.
Like my perspective is so different from someone else who doesn't live in LA, who may live in another state or who maybe has a different background, ethnicity, race, religion. All that stuff matters, all our voices matter.
Because what Korean Americans go through is not the same thing that black Americans go through.
And it's not the same thing that Puerto Ricans go through, and we are all going through different things in nuanced ways, but the mission is still the same.
Finding ways to galvanize our communities so that we can all be on that same mission is super important.
So having a little spokesperson for each tribe, and like that's what I'm looking at - you go ahead and you lead your people. I'm gonna go over here and go tell the homies over there. And then we're gonna pull up and we're gonna make this shit happen.
We're gonna be super loud about cannabis in our communities so that we can uplift it together.
So if you're watching, and you're thinking about becoming a cannabis influencer, or being a CannaMom advocate, I would say you definitely need to be ready to have immediate boundaries on what you're willing to show and what you will not show.
And what I mean is: will you show your kids on social media? This is a really big deal.
Because people are weird and crazy, right? So your kids are yours to protect. And so while advocacy is important, protecting your family and your kids is most important. So never forget that.
I am one of those people, and you are as well, who doesn't really show their kids.
And there's nothing wrong with showing your kids. I don't shame anyone who decides to do that. But for me, I just know where the internet can go with things and how scary this world is that we live in.
And it's our job as parents to protect our kids until they can consent to that. So that's how I've always felt about it.
But I would just advise anyone who is thinking about CannaMom advocacy—before you even do that—think about how you're going to protect your loved ones, like your kids and your own identity.
And make sure that it won't affect whatever your full time job is. Your spouse's job, your freedom. If you have to do an alias or something like that, it's okay to do those things.
But just figure that out. Figure out what you want to talk about. figure out your audience and then just zero in and just ride the fuck out of that shit into the sunset. But first, just make sure you're safe.
Tammy: Tips for the canna moms. Protect yourself and your family.
Shonitria: It's super important. Because if you get into a situation, your lawyers and everybody they're just gonna say, "Well, you shouldn't put that on the internet in the first place."
Tammy: Oh my gosh, yes. You have to curate that. And you have to know that that's going to be part of your brand moving forward. But yeah, I don't show my babies at all.
Like you said, there's weird people out there. My kids don't know what this is and to automatically have them associated with it. It's not fair. Although my daughter is now in middle school and she is begging, "Will you please put that on your Instagram?”
Shonitria: Don't let her get your password. It's over for you. She's all up in The Cannabis Cutie account.
Tammy: Oh my gosh, she wants to wear my merch so bad. Yeah, she's a huge supporter. If you've ever purchased from me, my daughter more than likely, and her friends after school, they fill the orders.
Shonitria: My kids are not big enough to help me.
Tammy: Yeah. $5 each?
Shonitria: Oh, god, I can't wait. I just gotta hang on a little bit longer.
Tammy: It really helps develop their entrepreneurial skills, which Cannabis Cutie has afforded that. Being able to not only open their mind and their perspective before the outside world can grab a hold of them and tell them one thing, but also kind of getting to see what running a small business is like.
And also like you tell your audience: you don't know what to do. My kids, as a cannabis mom, one thing that I have learned to be is open with them, and I've told them straight up, “I don't know what I'm doing.” Especially with my daughter. You're the first, you are the guinea pig.
I have messed up. I'm gonna probably continue to mess up. And I'm sorry that your brother doesn't get to have that experience. She knows, "Okay, Mommy doesn't know what she's doing. I don't know what I'm doing either. And she'll give me feedback. And we give each other feedback." And that's how we do that.
Shonitria: It's a dialogue. It's a conversation. It's not authoritarian where it's like, "You're a child, I'm an adult and you have no say-so in your life. And your opinion actually doesn't matter because you're a kid.
Tammy: Right. But that conversation about cannabis, which is a very tough conversation, opens the door to make that next tough conversation easier.
So the first time is the hardest. Being a cannamom has definitely improved my relationship with my children—beyond the peace that I can get when I intentionally use the plant. But just overall as a parent. More patience, understanding, relaxation.
Because kids are some of the meanest creatures on planet Earth. Like, they bully each other. They say stuff that just cuts.
Shonitria: They do stuff intentionally. For me, when I'm medicated and when my kids are being annoying, I'm able to really see them and at that moment, I'm like, "Damn, you need some attention."
Tammy: Yes. Like, take a step back and say, "Oh, they're not feeling loved."
Shonitria: Yes, you can see that body language. It's in their face. It's in their body language. You know your kid, and you know that you haven't been there all day, or you haven't done whatever.
And so let me just be there and instantly they melt into your little baby when they were first born and they didn't move. And now they're assholes.
Like last night with my son. He was like, "Mama, you want to play this game with me?" So, I got him this Amazon Fire. So he's playing—he has endless car games.
I'm like, first of all, didn't know he had so many car games. So he's like, let's play this one. And then we're gonna play this one and then this...And I'm like, we're gonna play three games. "Okay, Mama." Now I'm going to show you how to do it. And I'm going to show you how to play.
So we spent like 30-45 minutes. In a big chair, just me and him. He was on my lap. And he showed me how to play the games. And I started dozing off. It's at the end of the day and this is all he wants.
Tammy: There's too much going on in life. I'm outnumbered. I am out numbered two to one. Somebody is suffering somewhere. It's me or them. There's always some kind of drama and I have a pre-teen so there is just drama.
Shonitria: I can't even imagine. My mind can't even go to what that would look like in my house.
Tammy: I think threenagers and pre-teenagers are. Three year olds are horrible human beings, as well as preteen. So that's where I'm at.
But my son, he's amazing. I love building Legos after I smoke. It's so good. But yeah, if I'm worked up, and they're worked up, nobody's happy. So when I can come down and can meet them where they're at and pull them out of that, it makes their day so much better.
And it almost feels like a superpower. It is a superpower to be able to pull your kids out of a mood or get them to zoom out and see that this situation is not going to affect you in a month.
And we've got to examine our reaction and figure out why we're reacting like this. So that's kind of what I've been working on with my teenager.
Cannabis absolutely gives me the ability to relax and to come down from my ego and anxiety and into my heart and just mother my children.
Shonitria: Everything you're saying builds trust, and you're gonna need that down the road when she's an adult and when he's an adult and they're not under your roof anymore. You're gonna be like, "What are they doing?"
But because you have established that trust in conversation with them coming to you as they are without judgment, they're gonna always come back to you. They're gonna always know that you got the advice.
Tammy: I just hope because I tell my daughter all the time, people pay me for advice. You won't take it for free.
Shonitria: I literally tell my man that. I'm like: if you will just let me help you. Because everybody else comes to me for things and you're the only person who is like, "Oh, I got it." And I'm like, I'm valuable. I get paid for this shit.
Tammy: All right, any last advice or last words about being an advocate for anybody who wants to be an advocate?
Shonitria: I would say we need more women in this space. We need more moms. We need more black women, we need more Asian women, we need more Latinas. We need a lot more queer folks in this space.
We need to hear those stories, to hear from those communities, to hear that vantage point, to speak, and show that normalization, and to show how uniting like this can be.
And figuring out you don't have to go all in—like you don't have to quit your job. And you can do this on the side. You can just make a blog.
There's so many different things, little skill sets that you may have. You could be a virtual assistant. There's so many different ways to get involved in this industry.
You could write to your lawmakers. That costs nothing. And honestly, if you're gonna be on your phone anyways, may as well send out a couple emails.
They're talking about pardoning folks in their states, so just make sure they're following through on that. It's not an easy process.
It's something that in a lot of these states governors cannot do alone. They will need their surgeon of the blah, blah, Attorney General. They might need a parole board. So there's a lot of pieces to this puzzle.
And making sure that this happens on the state level when the people care. If the people push the agenda, your politicians are gonna care.
So you think your voice doesn't matter, but it matters so, so much and it's gotten us this far and it can get us a lot further. We just keep making noise.
Even if you're not a forward-facing advocate, you can be an advocate in your family and in your home by just saying "I smoke weed for my anxiety. I have postpartum depression and cannabis helps me."
Just be honest and speak about it in plain terms that people can understand. Just like you would say, "I'm taking aspirin for this headache."You can say, "I'm gonna smoke this joint for my headache." So normalize it in those ways.
Tammy: Well, Shonitria, aka the Blunt Blowin’ Mama, one of the first cannamoms on the scene. Thank you so much for coming in and giving tips to the audience.
And if you haven't already, go ahead and download your free How To Be A Cannabis Advocate guide right on my website so that you can get tips and tricks, and hopefully connect with people so that you can start your journey in a meaningful way.
I'll see you at the next one.
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